September 13th, 2004

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” –Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your
life,” –Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.

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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” –Winston
Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,” –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
president.” –Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
documents.

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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m
just the one to do it,” –A congressional candidate in Texas.

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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” –Philadelphia Phillies manager,
Danny Ozark

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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it.” –Al Gore, Vice President

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“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” –Dan Quayle

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“It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or
another” –George Bush, US President

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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” –Lee
Iacocca

“““““`
“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version.” –Colonel Oliver North, from
his Iran-Contra testimony.

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“The word ‘genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein.” –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people.” –Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” –Bill Clinton, President

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“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” –Al Gore,
VP

“““““
“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” –Keppel
Enderbery

“““““““`
Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a
change in your circumstances.” –Department of Social Services, Greenville,
South Carolina

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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” –Mark S.
Fowler, FCC Chairman

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8 Responses to “Amazing Quotes”

1. Ali says:
   September 13th, 2004 at 11:45 pm

   “Our offense is like the pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!” — Shaquille O’Neal

   “Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.” — Gerald Ford

   and nothing is complete without the pop diva:
   “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” — Britney Spears, when asked the best part of being famous.
2. Daniel says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 7:26 am

   how could i forget my favorite!

   Falcons quarterback Michael Vick, the player who put Virginia Tech football on the map, recently was asked about his best attributes. His answer: “I have two weapons: My legs, my arms and my brain.”
3. erik says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 11:02 am

   “My balls are aching for some pussy.” (insert your own crazy accent)
4. Daniel says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 2:02 pm

   POL!
5. ryan says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 5:36 pm

   What is this mp3 crap get this off my computer!
6. Daniel says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 5:44 pm

   “i’m just wrapping up college.” - ????, fall 2003

   oh, and compliments of D-rock: running from the cops
   
7. erik says:
   September 14th, 2004 at 9:44 pm

   “Eat yah beans Tom Selleck!!” best show ever, The Family Guy
8. Ryan says:
   September 15th, 2004 at 9:07 am

   No Higgins you’ve already had yours, bad, bad